Disrespected

A Christian Perspective

Warning: This article mentions abuse and talks about sexual actions between men.

Respect.

How often do we show it?  How often do we receive it?  Has it completely disappeared from our society?  Was respect the target all along in a world that seeks to dismantle the family unit?  Did it all start with men?

These questions have been on my mind, recently.  Though admittedly, much has been on my mind.  Earlier this year, my mental state was in shambles.  I became consumed by a plethora of emotions that I couldn’t get under control. Suddenly everything just became too much.

Let me provide a bit of context.

Since I was molested on the playground of my elementary school, I struggled with my identity which had a lot to do with my sexuality - a subtle attraction to men that grew even stronger through my adolescence. No one knew of my internal struggle. I was too ashamed to talk about it seeing as how I grew up in a home that did its best to uphold Christian values. Plus, this was during a time where being gay wasn't a hot topic of society. So, under these conditions I resulted to feeling isolated, confused, hurt, and alone.

Though I may have been enveloped in solidarity, I was not truly alone. Yahweh was always there, protecting me from fully embracing my sexual desires. Might've gone off the deep end if not for Him. However, I did falter a few times. The first few sexual encounters were with people I knew and even though I never hit a home run, I did make it to third base.

I might've managed to hit a home run if not for an encounter I had with a stranger on a train. He was definitely older than I was, but that didn't deter our instant attraction. He made the first move and before I knew it, I was engaging him on an intimate level. Unlike the times before, this interaction didn't feel right. It was unsettling. I felt dirty throughout the process which doubled in its intensity after the situation ended. It was quick but it turned out to be the most impactful experience of my life.

I started asking myself questions - "Why did I just do that?" "What was wrong with me?" He was a complete stranger. I knew nothing about him and yet I was willing to give him a small part of me. "What was I thinking?" "Is this who I am?" A walking sex toy?!

No.

I had to be something more. Sex couldn't be the extent of my worth and thus my search for meaningful relationships took hold. However, year after year. Guy after guy. Sex was the only way I could be of use to the men I dealt with. It was how I could matter. How I could be seen - be validated. In my efforts to try and show them that I was more than my body and that they were more than their body, I did everything I could to try and convince them. I compromised who I was, I left myself unprotected and vulnerable, and I endured abuse on every front. I just had this deep longing for connection which manifested into almost an insatiable appetite for sexual pleasure.

After having endured these cycle of events for years I finally cracked under the pressure of it all. I had gotten my heart broken yet again and the idea that I would never be worthy of anyone's genuine love caused me to have a meltdown. I lost my job, my dignity, my reputation, my self-worth - I just lost it all. And I didn't know which direction my life should take but I knew that I needed to change. I needed to look inward to move forward.

So, I did.

What I found was that to a certain degree I did not respect myself all that much. In my effort to achieve inclusivity I had poured all of my time and energy into other people while neglecting my own needs. I never thought highly of myself which may be another reason why I latched onto others so heavily - why I found myself living life in a continuous loop.

Subconsciously, I saw myself as a sexual object. It took me a while to even realize it. What I had been internalizing, projected itself out into the world in the form of energy that would be reciprocated by others who were probably internalizing the same thing.

I remember wanting to have conversations with the gentleman I was attracted to about our connection. It took a lot of courage in every instance due to being overwhelmed with anxiety which resulted from fear and shame.

The bible, according to Romans 1: 18-28 states "The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of people, who suppress the truth by their wickedness, since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities - his eternal power and divine nature - have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.

For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile, and their foolish hearts were darkened. Although, they claimed to be wise, they became fools and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like a mortal human being and birds and animals and reptiles.

Therefore, God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity of the degrading of their bodies with one another. They exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshipped and served created things rather than the Creator - who is forever praised. Amen.

Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed shameful acts with other men and received in themselves the due penalty for their error.

Furthermore, just as they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, so God gave them over to a depraved mind, so that they do what ought not be done.

The bible makes it clear that when men engage in sexual relations with other men, they are committing shameful acts. Having experienced this shame many times, I believe that the bible might be onto something. God has given us the ability to discern from what is right and what is wrong. When we do something wrong, God gives us the feeling of shame as a reminder that what we're doing isn't right. Instead of recognizing the feeling of shame for what it really is, we act out of ignorance, doing nearly anything to avoid having necessary conversations.

The bible according to 1 John 16 - 18 also states, "And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment. In this world we are like Jesus. There is no fear in love, But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."

Being a part of the lgbtq+ community, people can experience fear in a multitude of ways. Most notably, the fear of being "found out." This is especially true amongst men who must uphold societal expectations of what a man is supposed to be. Being born a man, whether we like it or not, comes with a tremendous responsibility. We are leaders and providers who should love life and do everything that we can to defend it. However, these responsibilities seem to be a deterrent for some men now a days. They want to create for themselves lives where they can escape the pressures of expectations and embrace their inner desires. This is a huge problem within a society that doesn't seem to value the authenticity of men, even amongst men. Rather than rallying for a society in which men respect and cherish life, we promote a society in which men exhibit disrespectful behaviors that are degrading and demoralizing.

And even though men play a role in their own de-characterization, women have not exempted themselves. As women, you should have a reverence for Yahweh and a reverence for men because men came first, and Yahweh has charged them to be leaders. However, many women are not content in this role. They would rather take on the responsibilities of men and some want to remove them from the equation, altogether. Radical movements like the feminist movement are teaching people that masculinity is toxic and that women can do whatever a man can do. This has led many men to forfeit their roles as head of the house and head of Christ's church, to support women who do not value the many blessings' men bring to the table nor respect the word of Yahweh.

Ephesians 5 21-33 says "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husband's ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church - for we are members of his body. For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery - but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Within any society the man is seen as the pillar of that community. He is the leader and if you want to subjugate his community, you first have to dominate him. This is usually done by performing a degradation ceremony in which you strip someone of their identity and replace it with one that is more compliant. Once the process is over you will have complete dominion over the man and the rest of the people he is meant to lead and defend will fall in line out of fear.

Degradation ceremonies are actually quite commonplace within our world today thanks to technological advancements. With media being as accessible as it is, it easy to strip people of their identity using psychological methods. Though this may not be pointed out as much with men as with women, men are definitely oversexualized. Real men are displayed as being aesthetically pleasing and are glorified for their sexual prowess and how much money they have. They are seen as cheaters, philanderers, effeminate, dead beats, directionless, toxic, and emotionally unstable. This is even more so true within the black community.

Yahweh has set a standard for the role men and women are to play. However, the world does not respect what Yahweh has set in place. Instead, the world runs on the narrative that men are dogs and women are constantly being mistreated. To remedy this belief, the world beats men into the ground and elevates women into positions that were intended for men. Along with monetary incentives this is the main reason why people resort to having relationships with the same sex - amongst men, especially. There are no strings attached, less stress, and the expectations are minimal to none.

With such heavy blows being dealt to the male ego, it is easy for men to lose sight of what's important. You hear it constantly being said that "Yahweh is love" but I believe that "Yahweh is life" is more accurate. Life desires forever. Therefore, anything that it creates life will desire to be forever, as well. Yahweh (life) should be the most important thing in our lives. Our focus should never stray from His path because all other paths lead to death. And who else but life would be able to conquer death?

In John 14:6 Jesus says, "I am the way and the truth and the life." And Revelation 1:8 Yahweh says, "I am the Alpha and Omega," says the Lord God, "who is, and who was, and who is to come, the Almighty."

These two passages confirm the importance of always making Elohim our primary focus and sheds light on the purpose of maintaining the nuclear family within our world. As men, we must educate our children and raise them under the guidance of Yahweh's word. Ephesians 6:4 says, "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord."

Men, I know that society is doing everything that it can to silence your voices, but your voices can never be silenced. They can only make you think that you are mutable. Yahweh has bestowed upon you the gifts of leadership and fatherhood. You are not called to be sexual objects, cheaters, philanderers, effeminate, dead beats, directionless, toxic, or emotionally unstable. We are called to be lovers of life. We are called to be defenders. We are called to be providers. We are called to be responsible. We were made to be brothers in arms. We add strength to our individuality as a collective. And like our women and children, we are a creation of Yahweh's worth fighting for.

This is why things must change in America. Our nation is worth fighting for. We can no longer afford to keep de-escalating the roles men are to play in our society in order to make everyone else happy. The psychological, spiritual, and emotional ramifications are heavy and detrimental to our society at large. If things do not turn around, we will continue to encourage disrespectful outlooks and behaviors. Our men will then come to be seen as a joke, making us vulnerable to external threats.