Introduction to the Creator of Nawey

Lorenzo Bland

Warning: Detailed images ahead!!!

Who am I? That's the question I seek to answer through my writing. I am thirty-seven years old, and I have no idea who I am. I just know that I love writing and that after I feel like I've written something meaningful, it brings me peace, it brings me joy, and it brings me satisfaction.

Over the years, I've built up a lot of rage. In my quest to find acceptance I always came up short. People never really understood how I felt and just assumed things about me based on their own perspective of things. They just didn't understand what drove me, what motivated me, and in their defense I didn't either.

At a very young age I was sexually assaulted by a group of men on the playground of my elementary school. That incident changed my life forever. It began the process of the fracturing of my identity. Was I gay? Was I straight? I didn't know. I just knew that the very thing that caused me harm began to be the very thing that constantly tried reeling me in. I had an overwhelming desire to sleep with men.

Being gay, with a special emphasis on being a male, is not easy. It comes with a lot of spiritual and emotional struggles. You deal with ridicule, you deal with sexual demoralization, identity, acceptance, detachment, confusion, abandonment, stigmas, energy consumption, religious dogmas, ignorance, lust, hidden theologies, misinformation, loneliness, lies, betrayal, shame, arrogance, abuse, deceit, jealousy, degradation, humiliation, pride, demons, witchcraft, scientific anomalies, manipulation, submissive thoughts, and even selfishness.

There's probably a few more things that could be added to the list, but I think you get the idea. For a long time, I have been living life filled with chaotic ideals that were meant to keep me from becoming whole. By the time I realized what was really happening with me, I had imploded. Too much confusion had welled up inside of me and like a volcanic eruption, I erupted, and it cost me dearly.

All I want to do now is focus on healing. I'm usually not a selfish person but to an extent I have to be. I just want to be whole again and even though I can't say with a hundred percent certainty what that looks like, I will figure it out.